livvysamazing

tower over me

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Thu, 28 May 2009 07:21:45 GMT

This is silly. I am just going to write what I feel. I looked at his stupid little facebook thing; I didn’t click on his profile link, because I know it will hurt. This is so dumb. I should not be jealous and/or hurt that he is with other girls. He is not mine, he never has been and never will be. I feel like such a psycho freak for feeling the way I feel, I SHOULD NOT BE HURT. I don’t understand why I feel such intense things for him anyways. Is it because we went weeks without kissing and then all of a sudden we would just start making out out of nowhere? There was always tons of passion between us, but would it had been there if we were a real couple? Probably not, because we would have been all over each other all the time. Us being together would never work out, it just wouldn’t have been a good relationship, but I can’t help yearning for it. I just want to be there for him, and let him know I’m here and to talk to him. When we talk, though, it always just goes back to us and our relationship. He has apologized a million times, but he was drunk so it doesn’t count. Is it horrible that I like him better drunk? He is such a sweetheart, and when he hurts my feelings he immediately apologizes. That IS bad that I like him better when he is intoxicated. I hate and love making out with him while he’s drunk. I hate it, because I know when you’re intoxicated you make stupid decisions that you would normally not make while sober, therefore I am a stupid decision and making out with me is bad. It makes me feel so horrible because I am just part of his drunken night, nothing special. On the other hand I love it, because he’s just so crazy when he’s drunk and he acts like he actually gives a shit about me when he’s drunk, unlike the sober part of him that glances at me once in a great while. God, I hate that I have such fucking intense feelings. I hate that I went back to him time and time again behind people’s backs. I hate that I am so fucking weak that I couldn’t say no to him when he asks me to lay down beside him, I try to keep my ground, I tell him to stay away and don’t touch me, and then he says a couple of nice words and I comply with everything he says. No wonder he kept me around for so long, I was the girl he always knew he could have at the end of the night, the bottom bitch. If that hot girl at the party said no, well at least he has Olivia to come back to. I am probably not even his first choice, just a girl that said yes to him and that wouldn’t go away. I should be strong and forget about his fucking ass, but I can’t. All I can think about is how much I loved being in his arms, how loved I felt there, how beautiful he made me feel. Its like the aftermath doesn’t happen. I always feel like shit when I leave his room, because I know I did a bad thing, I sneak around, and I would have been so embarrassed had anyone caught me. I always feel dirty afterwards, because I know it didn’t mean a damn thing to him, and had it been any other girl, it would have been just as good, maybe better. It’s not fair, so many sweet guys cared about me, but I couldn’t look past him. All I cared about was him. Why am I so attracted to fucked up people? I can’t change them, they don’t want to be changed and don’t ask for it. All I end up doing is hurting myself. How much abuse will I have to endure until I realize that I can’t change anyone? I feel so ugly and alone. I told him he would get bored with me, because everyone does. He’s not any different from anyone else. I was stupid for thinking I had found someone special, and that they saw something special in me.

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:57:08 GMT

Dear G,
I am so through with you.
I know the only reason you texted me tonight was so you could have a little pick me up. I am so glad I stood up to you and let you know that I am not dealing with your bull shit anymore.
I have someone who cares for me and is wonderful to me, unlike you.
so go screw yourself, I am done wasting my thoughts on you.
-Olivia

E!
oh boy. I am so sorry about crying today, I was just tired and frustrated that I won't see you until friday and then I won't see you for another week.
This is so unhealthy...how much I want to be with you, but I like it.
Thank you for your shirt, now I can catch a whiff of you whenever.
Thank you for comforting me.
Thank you for coming into my life.
I wish this had happened a lot sooner, but oh well.
I adore you, now matter what anyone else says.
I can't wait to talk to you tonight.
<3

rawr

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 03:28:04 GMT

Wow um I don't upadate this any more...thats sad

Well I'm here to mope and bitch
(you may want to leave this entry)

life has no meaning for me :-(
I am unloved
I have no friends
I am underappreciated
I am overestimated

it is 10:26 and I am acting very PMSy

rawr.....

</3

rapping mulan

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 13:07:17 GMT

AHH I AM DYING! of coughing that is...I hope I don't have pnuemonia again...:-/ that would be horrid. Anyhoo yesterday I actually went to forensics practice....and HAD FUN! Kaitlin and I judged these 2 girls on their duo performance, I don;t know why we were judging them..because last year we sucked ducks (that was katherine's term Ijust thoguht it was appropriate to use there)But then Kaitlin and I cut our piece (which is Disney's Mulan) And it is amazing! Mulan is a ditz and Mushu is from the country its quite entertaining! Anyways..today at 10pm Hadley's moms boyfriends will ba talking to ERIC SZMANDA AKA GREG SANDERS FROM CSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on the phone....so about 10 I will be squealing to no avail...anyways thats about it...toodles

bow tie sitings- 0 WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I am sleepy!

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 13:20:14 GMT

Yeah well it's been six weeks since I have updated (at least that's what the computer said) But who can trust computers anyway? I am so mother effing tired!!! hOPEFULLY i'll be more awake when i go to forensics practice...yes I AM GOUNG TO FORENSICS!!! whoa. Anyways I am in tv productions right now being the rebel that I am and going on the internet when I am not supposed to :-O who knew I could be such a rule breaker????????ha ha anyways thats about it I am goign to (try to) sleep now!

OH jesus

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 19:43:20 GMT

Yeah so today i woke up and seriously contemplated going back to bed and ebing "sick" seriously I was there for a half an hour lying in my bed thinking "DO I really want to take kulchocks test TODAY?" and I decided heck why put it off? Yeah so I got to school and i was ignored by some people (people do that to me a lot these days) then we had tv productions and I did NOTHING! it was sweet I love some of those kids in there (not all just a select few) Yeah then spanish was muy boring as usual. 3rd period we watched a movie about an ice man that was found in 1991 and it was amazing! This guy decided to make an igloo and stay in there for a night to see if he would live (smartness....) anyways he had this camera with him and he said he couldn't really sleep so he totally started make fun of the blair withc project!! He put the camera like pratically up his nose and was like "there is something outside I heard something outside.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I was like dude you are quite amazing. Then in Bio we took the test and I think I did okay I kinda sucked on a couple of questions but all and all I don't think I failed. Gym all we did was bike....RAMSEY I MISS YOU OHHHHHHHH SO MUCH. yeah its not nearly as fun as last year in the locker room. probably because all the freshman girls are snobs (most are) CADD we just worked on drawings. Math was horrible I hate Macdonald she is a horrible man!! And she had like this fat bulge comin out of her shirt I practically puked. Then lunch was amazing!!! Kim was talking about religion and she was like what are you guys? And I said I was catholic but I wasn't like a really devote one I just dabbled and then I was like "oh jesus" in this sing songy voice. Then she asked what our grandparents are lilke and I was like o mine are really devoted they are like "GOD GOD GOD" *pounds fist against palm" so that was like all we did for the rest of lunch "oh jesus, GOD GOD GOD" Then Katherine and I went to english and we like wrote about what our rooms looked like and then......WE SAW G-GEIBEL'S CAR IT WAS MOTHER EFFING AMAZING!!!!! Seriously like I want to make love to this car it was so effing awesome...it had skulls like everywhere and the seats were this amazing red color. Katherine was making her noises (per usual) but I could not even begin to explain this car....I need to go cool down...

LAS VEGAS HERE I COME (kinda soon)

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 01 Oct 2005 15:21:32 GMT

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I NEED TO STOP HYPERVENALATING!!! HADLEY JUST TOLD ME THE MOST AMAZING NEWS!!! NATIONALS FOR FORENSICS ARE GOING TO BE IN VEGAS FOR OUR JUNIOR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I don't care what kaitlin is doin we are going to work our effing asses off to get to vegas because I am not going to miss my chance to see where they (sometimes) shoot CSI!!!! apparently there is also a CSI store there too. here is how are conversation went when hadley told me! First we were talking about CSI where this girl was talking about how she was in vegas for a speech tournament.

sarcasticsaturn7: can u lebeive they mentioned a speech tourn??
LovingCSIgrl: I KNOW!
LovingCSIgrl: I was watching and then she said it and I was like representin'!
sarcasticsaturn7: " I'm not here in Las Vegas to see him, I'm here for a speech tournament!!"
LovingCSIgrl: amazingness
sarcasticsaturn7: complete amazingness
LovingCSIgrl: we should go to Las VEgas for a speech tournament
sarcasticsaturn7: you know nationals is there next year?
sarcasticsaturn7: and I'm serious
LovingCSIgrl: nuh uh
LovingCSIgrl: !
sarcasticsaturn7: yes!!
LovingCSIgrl: you're kidding!
LovingCSIgrl: wat do u mean by next year?
sarcasticsaturn7: volpe wants us all to rock our junior year so we can go
sarcasticsaturn7: like..this year its in texas
LovingCSIgrl: OMG
sarcasticsaturn7: next year las vegas
LovingCSIgrl: WE ARE SO GOING WHEN WE ARE JUNIORS
sarcasticsaturn7: OMG! I KNOW
LovingCSIgrl: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
LovingCSIgrl: I SHALL WORK MY ASS OFF TO GO TO VEGAS!
LovingCSIgrl: GREG!!!!!!!!!!!
LovingCSIgrl: *dies*
LovingCSIgrl: comes back to life *dies again*
LovingCSIgrl: got to stp hypervenalating
LovingCSIgrl: you know they have a CSI store there.
LovingCSIgrl: I think
LovingCSIgrl: OMG
sarcasticsaturn7: ARE U SERIOUS??
LovingCSIgrl: I THINK SO.

Noodles

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 24 Sep 2005 15:16:29 GMT

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY I FINALLY AM 15 ONLY 365 MORE DAYS UNTIL I GET MY PERMIT.
...
...
...

ok so it isn't that exciting to anyone else but in my little mind this day is important!

How about life sucks?

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Tue, 13 Sep 2005 22:18:55 GMT

K so today basically sucked. Just like yesterday. I don't know but my sophmore is just as not as amazing as my freshman year. Well TV productions I pretty much did nothing so that was easy. Spanish talked to anna and well spoke spanish. Um third period pretty much sucked cuz people in there don't know their continents or their states its so sad. And the teacher doesn't even know my name. 4th was ok I rocked dimensional analysis I know I am that amazing! 5th we had gym and we had a sub so we just walked around the track. I know a girl in that class named anna she is very nice and we talked the whole time but I still miss ramsey and our whole locker room it was so amazing singing mulan songs and whatnot. Hey ramsey member the conversation we never had? I sure do. I also remember always beating ramsey to the locker rooms oo sweet mercy that was fun.Um 6th we did nothing lydon crumpled up my sketch but thats ok. I swear I can't draw and I have no idea wat I'm doing in that class. I would definetly drop but the guys in there are pretty cool so I might just tough it out. 7th period sucked!!!!!MacDonald I swear I will kill her. She mumbles and I dont understand half the stuff she is talking about. 8th was good cuz it was lunch. then english was a good class. The only thing is none of my teachers know my name....

make me smile please?

I should have updated yesterday...but I didn't

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 19:15:07 GMT

Yeah so yesterday was the first day of school and I know you are all dying to know what happened...ok well I am still going to tell you. Um Tv Productions I was uber quiet yesterday but today I actually spoke. I was paired up w/ ross to do something and ross is a pretty cool kid so we HAD to talk cuz we were working together. Hopefully tomorrow I will get to tour the place where we record :-))) Spanish is quite cool cuz...FABER IS NOT IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can you tell I am excited? He is not in any of my classes! Anna Noel Mckain is my espanol clase so that is good. third period is world cultures and it is literally taken over by girls. They are 5 guys in that class it sounds like an interesting class though..so we shall see. Then I have Acad biology which sounds cool. Um then I have Cadd..interesting story there so I am sitting down and people come in and there are no girls and I'm like oh y'know they'll come after. So I wait and the bell rings and its all guys. Mostly freshman and I was thinking "Great another class where I won't talk to any of them." but the kids I sit around are pretty cool so I think it'll be ok. then I have math with MacDonald she hasn't been mean yet but I will give her a week and if she DOESN'T turn into the wicked witch of the west I don't think she will be that mean. Then I have lunch with all my pal good times there. Um and then I have "life" which is actually english but my teacher Mr.geibel likes to call it "life" that shall be interesting.

tomorrow I go to Market Day with katherine! WOOT!

katherine's birthday- 7days
aubrey's birthday- 5 more days
kaitlins birthday- 8 more days
amy's birthday- 13 more days
my birthday- 17 more days (I turn 15 YAY!!)

there are other birthday's in september but I can't remember them ALL

Cry me a river then build me a bridge and GET OVER IT

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sun, 04 Sep 2005 21:14:19 GMT

People Suck.

you know who you are

They make me mad.

I can't believe you

that is all.

so go *uck yourself

Yeah

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sun, 04 Sep 2005 12:55:00 GMT

Katherine who was that person yelling at you in your livejournal??? Ramsey are you quitting forensics?????AHHH you can't! Camille are you still going to be in forensics???????? Yeah thats about it...

yeah

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Fri, 02 Sep 2005 17:48:53 GMT

So Katherine and Alex came over yesterday it was UBER fun. First we walked to the school; and we hung out there and watched little kids play soccer. Then we came back to my house and katherine taught us how to play "president" (aka asshole) an amazing card game. Then Ed came over and we played card games for like an hour and a half. it was amazing we were all high off brownies and soda. We couldn't stop laughing. then we walked ed home and katherine and alex thought a serial killer was going to come out of the woods (cuz I live in such a high crime area...not) Yeah then we watched sixteen candles with my perfect man Anthony Michael Hall I <3 him as "the geek" then katherine and I talked for like 2 hours it was so fun. I love sleepovers! I can't wait for school I miss everyone so much!

Now I am in a good mood

AHHHHH

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 15:51:49 GMT

Yeah so I was watching the view (yes I am that cool!) And they were talking about how kids get high from household items. And they are talking about how they just found this out. People are so dumb this has been going on for years and the View is like o its a new epidemic when it has been going on for years. Adults are just so naive sometimes. Ahh it makes me mad that adults thing were so naive when it is actually themselves who r naive.

can you tell I am in a bad mood?

I feel I should update

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 13:00:07 GMT

So how about yesterday was FREAKIN' AMAZING! I <3 like practically everyone in the band. I loved seeing everyone and cheering like an idiot for what an hour? Oh so exciting I got to see so many of the people i haven't seen in forever. Oh by the way the band looks amazing! Katherine and I were talking about how beautiful it is "Omg there are like no ugly people in the band" Well I'm sure there is but we couldn't see them but we did see bow tie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then umm...."he" was there. le sigh I should have said Hi to him but I was too afraid dear lord I am such a big chicken anyways ROCK NA BAND YOU GUYS ROCK MY WORLD. Amazingness.

stuff

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 18:44:02 GMT

Yeah so today i went bowling with katherine and alex. It was very fun. I accidentaly made fun of the old people too loud though (whoops) Anyways so yeah I told katherine about my love lol she was proud of me... Also I found out everyone has a life but me!!!! Thats always great to know...

AHHH

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 16:00:46 GMT

Dude growing up stinks!!! I like this stupid person and I know that they don't like me back and yet I am like obsessing over them!!!!AH hormones suck ass! Argh

just had to vent people

Schedule

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 15:55:43 GMT

1 Tv productions/ soxman 1st sem
Study hall/ macdonald 2nd sem
2. Spanish 2/ febbraro
3. World Cultures/ Kish
4. Acad Biology/ Kulchock
5. Acad Biology/ Kulchock A days
Phys ed/ Long B day
6. Cadd/ Lydon 1st sem
Lunch 2nd sem
7 Integr Math 2/ Macdonald
8 Lunch 1st sem
sewing and design/ Slowik 2nd sem
9. English/ Geibel

My schedule...it might change though...

Ahhh Memories

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 15:12:44 GMT

So how about I was cleaning my room last night and I find a stack of pictures. Guess what they were from??CIVIL WAR DAY! LAST DAY OF 9TH GRADE! AND OF COURSE CAMP!!!! First I looked at the Civil war day pics from 8th. We all look so freaking young its scary. Seriously like I looked like 12. my nose has changed a lot since then I noticed. Katherine def. looks older and so does kaitlin and brenna. Mandy also looks incredibly older. I never noticed how much we have grown up since then. Also in my stack of pictures from the last day of ninth grade there was also pictures from the 8th grade graduation dance ha ha ha funny memories. Then there were my pictures of camp OMG I almsot like cried I miss everyone there so much! Oh also btw how incredibly fun was tuesday night? Katherine, Clarissa and Amy came over and we watched like 3 hours of NATV it was amazing. it was like from 2 years ago so none of the people we saw r still in high school (I hope..) but we saw Mike Ramsey (I wondered who he's related to?) and we saw my neighbor Ian and we saw Anna ( Katherine's amazing older sister who let us watch her amazing DVDs) and her boyfriend and of course we saw anthony. Katherine also pointed out all these people cuz ya'know katherine has amazing connections with everyone i.e. "oh thats so and so's brother." "Oh he did this thing once upon a time" Wow she amazes us all with her incredible knowledge. Also there was this red headed kid who "I would like totally date" What can I say? I am totally in love with people who have red hair!

PICNIC

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:57:14 GMT

TOMORROW IS THE FORENSICS PICNIC AND I AM WAY EXCITED

Saw James Bond he didn't want to talk about it...

Yeah I stole this survey from Ramsey cuz I am cool like that...

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 00:53:45 GMT

The last movie you watched? Patch Adams
The last song you listened to? The Reason by Hoobstank
The last book you read? Smack
The last thing you ate? Ice Cream
The last thing you drank? Milk
The last scent you smelled? cologne (it smelled SOOOOOOOO good I inhaled deeply)
The last dessert you ate? Ice cream we went over this
The last thing you fell over? my....bike....
The last picture you took? probably of those 2 italian guys at Ocean City they were "contemplating" these sand sculptures
The last person you kissed? my mommy (if you mean on the lips then never)
The last person you hugged? katherine and that was awhile ago....
The last person you talked to? my mom (im cool)
The last person who made you cry? Dad (he taped over my stand up acts!)
The last person who made you laugh? Myself
The last person you saw? danielle
The last person you dated? L.L.Bean (but that was a middle school relationship we never even "went out" we passed notes to each other cuz we are super cool)
The last person who spent time with you? katherine, katie, laura, ann, meredith
The last person you hated? Can't disclose that information at this given time
The last person who was mean to you? not a soul
The last person who was nice to you? too many
The last time you ate? 16 minutes ago!
The last time you slept? this morning
The last time you cried? yesterday (see above)
The last time you laughed? at staples
The last time you hurt yourself? today my bike decided to be fun and scrap my leg up it doesn't hurt it just looks bad
The last time that you read? not for a few days ....I am a horrible person
The last time that you listened to a CD all the way through? last night
The last time you spent a night over at someone else's house? not for a while
The last time you spent with a friend? 2 nights ago. I am a freak I know
The last time you cursed?: today when my bike fell and when I was peddling up my hill I was like dying and usually swearing gives me more strength go figure
The last time you prayed? last night
The last time you wished you were dead? couple of days ago
The last time you wished someone else was dead?: I don't wish that on people I wish that big black vortexes would swallow them up and chew them alive....but not death
The last time you wished you didn't have to end something? All the time.
The last time you played a videogame? MArio Bros. Classic Edition I love the graphics!
The last time you watched TV? now stupid show on nickelodeon
The last time you wrote something down on paper? I was doodling something on a piece of paper last night
The last time you smiled?: couple of minutes ago
The last time you were truly happy? like a couple of hours ago.
The last time that you were sad?. yesterday
The last time you told someone that you loved them? Hmm...all the time.
The last time you talked on the phone? couple of hours ago
The last time you sent an email? couple of hours ago (I was telling katherine that I had just talked to James Bond)
The last time you used IM programs to talk to someone? Riiiiight now.
The last time you updated your blog/webpage/livejournal/etc.? Now, ass.(nice ramsey!)
The last time that you sat and thought about your life? today while bike riding
The last time in which you declared "I hate you!"? i don't know

ARGH!

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 06 Aug 2005 15:14:10 GMT

DAMN YOU BEST WEEK EVER! They're leaving me! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

sorry just had to vent..

I have to wait until september 16th to watch it!

You Crazy Skirt!

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Sat, 06 Aug 2005 13:46:53 GMT

Last night was oodles and oodles of fun. Katherine took me to the pirates game it was amazing (even though we lost horribly!)It was so much fun though cuz we were in the "fun" section of the park. We were doing our own little mini waves. And then some dude brought up a ball that everyone was throwing around. And sometimes it would get out of our section and everyone would boo and katherine was like "aww that poor guy batting he thinks we're booing him." Even though we weren't! And while watching the game we were so judgemental half the time I was like "I can run faster than that ya sissy." Then when the turned up the music katherine and I would do this special dance (wash the windows wash the windows) Then katherine got upset because things were WAY overpriced. Then when the game was over we watched the show skyblast. Oh it was like so amazing. Cept for the scripted part of the show it was these 3 kids stuck on an island with a map to find the pirate parrot. Of course there is 2 boys and a girl and wouldn't ya know it the GIRL is the smart one! I w as very pleased. I kept leaning over to katherine and saying "obviously the girl is the smart one." Yeah so that was fun. Oh and on the way to the game we all found we all knew anthony kremmel which was wierd...I also now Ian fitzpatrick which they know too from NATV so yeah I felt special cuz I knew all these people that everyone else knows cuz I am so cool!

I love reindeer! I have a stuffed one!

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 16:35:28 GMT

You Are "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.

For you, Christmas is a mix of tradition and fun.
You're not above strapping on a red blinking nose for a laugh.

What Christmas Carol Are You?

really cool cuz I have a stuffed animal reindeer his name is rain (original I know)

Whoa

one22@saclink.csus.edu — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 16:30:53 GMT

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Mathematician.

Where You Lived: Japan.

How You Died: Natural causes.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Was I like Mr.Reck? That be cool cuz I would be "jacked" lol katherine...boy do I miss my math class